Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
