Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
