I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
