When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
