I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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