I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
