my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
