I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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