you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A+ Viking dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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