That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
