I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
