I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
