Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
