covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
