your thong is hanging out like whoa
My liver just broke up with me...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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