I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
4 words: hood of his car
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did I show you my penis last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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