you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
