it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
