bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
