grandma shit on top of the toilet
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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