Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
