why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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