The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
