dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
