I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
