I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
