Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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