I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
