I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
