Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
