i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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