So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
