Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
