Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
