i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
