My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
