I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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