Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
