he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
