opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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