Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
