fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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