you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
