Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
