Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
