Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
