She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
