Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
