wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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