The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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