Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
