I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
