There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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