I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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