McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
