i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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